Welcome back Whānau,
Thanks for joining my Sunday sesh about being stuck in a rut .
In my last post I talked about my Smonday’s– my anxiety that would usually kick in around midday on a Sunday knowing that I had work the next day. I dreaded the sound of my alarm that would go off at 6am (not to mention multiple slobbery licks from my dog Coco), which I would usually snooze every 10 minutes for an hour before finally rolling out of bed.
It’s funny that I don’t need an alarm to get up on the weekend. I would rise and shine most weekends before my Monday to Friday alarm would usually go off. Was it because I looked forward to my weekends so much I could get up with ease? After all, I was living for my weekends. The fact is that I wasn’t exactly getting out of bed early for something that I loved doing during the weekdays. Maybe because I had to get up for work might have had something to do with it, don’t you think?
A 45 minute commute into the city where I’d sip on my coffee with a dirty durry and think about how many other people wished they were driving to a grind they were passionate about and fulfilled them.
Colleagues would ask how my weekend was and I found myself replying with “way too short as always” a fair bit too much.
Then I started my relationship with wine. I found myself smashing a bottle of vino most days when I got home from work. Get up, go to work, come home, drink wine, cook dinner, sleep. This became my routine. I was stuck in this rut. I lacked the energy and motivation to do anything else. Work, wine and willpower started to become an issue.
In 2014 I tried to resign and change career paths. My laptop would take a daily trip home with me and I was always working long as days. My out of work conversations became work chat. I started getting short with my staff I managed. I felt myself constantly complaining. My bubbly, enthusiastic, positive self had taken over this negative Nancy persona. My job had taken my identity.
My manager at the time made me think about taking some time off and changing roles within the industry instead of resigning. I always say that everything happens for a reason which was definitely the case in my situation. The skills, experience and networks I’ve developed since my first attempt at resigning have grown significantly so I try not to dwell too much on my first failed attempt.
2 years and 2 job changes later I found myself back in the same rut. I knew for me personally that I had more to contribute. I had more potential to discover in myself. I had passions to explore. I knew that working for someone else was not for me. When I asked myself why I continued to stay, my only reason was financial security. I couldn’t stay in a job that just satisfied me financially. If this was my only excuse – I knew then that I needed to plan towards not experiencing that Smonday feeling any longer.
So if you’ve found yourself stuck in a rut and want to know how I planned and took action to get out of it- then watch this space….
Sunday 08th Jan.
P.S Today was a Sunday not a Smonday.